Dirty, Stinking Bournemouth

It's the Council, the pubs, the clubs, the take-aways, the cheap booze, those lascivious hens, those haughty stags. Everyone's pointing the finger of blame at all and sundry apart from themselves when it comes to the subject of Bournemouth's messy streets following another hedonistic weekend on the south coast.

Council cabinet member David Smith has made his feelings known on the state of Bournemouth's streets followings evenings of revelry, describing them as resembling a "pigsty".

He told a meeting: “You’d be appalled if you saw Bournemouth every morning; we have to go out and pick up the litter left behind by the night-time economy.”

Disgraced former Leader of the Council and porn aficionado Stephen MacLoughlin ironically added that the town had lost its once sterling reputation.

He told the Daily Echo that "people are not proud of Bournemouth anymore", a comment that has been pounced upon by the baying masses of Echo internet respondents still seething from the fall-out following 'Porngate'.

No doubt most of those slighted by MacLoughlin would probably never admit to having a quick look at the errant copy of Nuts magazine accidently moved to the classic car section of Sainsbury's.

So, where does the blame lie? The obvious answer is we must share the responsibility of keeping our town clean and act collectively. It might also help if we were to be empowered by local and central government to enact appropriate rule changes to curb the nasty side of effects of 24-hour drinking legislation.

Fines for the mindless act of inebriated littering would no doubt be difficult to enforce, especially with limited police manpower to target isolated offenders in the throng of a Saturday night.

Ensuring clubs have the power (and also the inclination) to have a sensible last entry time could be one positive step forward.

I'm a man about town so I don't wish to sound too reactionary at the risk of being hypocritical. I've stumbled into night clubs at 5am to get that one last drink. But even I am wondering if that's such a good thing and whether I'd really miss that kind of 'luxury', In the past, I think my brain and liver have asked the same question too with a similar outcome.

That fine bastion of corporate responsibility, McDonald's, has been sounded out as an example to follow. The 'McDonald's Solution', as I like to call it, refers to the Bournemouth town centre branch and its approach to littering outside its frontage. If it's in their vicinity, provided it doesn't cross the force field across the road to Roddis House, their workers will clean it up.

But why should Dallas Chicken clean up mess brought along by Joe Benson or Sharon Hedges if they've accumulated polystyrene containers from Hot Diggidy Dog and carelessly dropped them on the street corner?

The answer: because we're all in this together. Until all parties responsible muster the collective spirit of common sense and civic togetherness, we're all going to suffer the wider repercussions that local and national legislation have wrought. Combined with increasing mind-numbing idiocy and abandon of personal responsibility for our actions, the consequences of failing to face up to this and other problems affecting our town will only lead to further decline.

Just put the damn chip packet in the bin, eh? That is, if you can find one.