Dirty, Stinking Bournemouth

It's the Council, the pubs, the clubs, the take-aways, the cheap booze, those lascivious hens, those haughty stags. Everyone's pointing the finger of blame at all and sundry apart from themselves when it comes to the subject of Bournemouth's messy streets following another hedonistic weekend on the south coast.

Council cabinet member David Smith has made his feelings known on the state of Bournemouth's streets followings evenings of revelry, describing them as resembling a "pigsty".

He told a meeting: “You’d be appalled if you saw Bournemouth every morning; we have to go out and pick up the litter left behind by the night-time economy.”

Disgraced former Leader of the Council and porn aficionado Stephen MacLoughlin ironically added that the town had lost its once sterling reputation.

He told the Daily Echo that "people are not proud of Bournemouth anymore", a comment that has been pounced upon by the baying masses of Echo internet respondents still seething from the fall-out following 'Porngate'.

No doubt most of those slighted by MacLoughlin would probably never admit to having a quick look at the errant copy of Nuts magazine accidently moved to the classic car section of Sainsbury's.

So, where does the blame lie? The obvious answer is we must share the responsibility of keeping our town clean and act collectively. It might also help if we were to be empowered by local and central government to enact appropriate rule changes to curb the nasty side of effects of 24-hour drinking legislation.

Fines for the mindless act of inebriated littering would no doubt be difficult to enforce, especially with limited police manpower to target isolated offenders in the throng of a Saturday night.

Ensuring clubs have the power (and also the inclination) to have a sensible last entry time could be one positive step forward.

I'm a man about town so I don't wish to sound too reactionary at the risk of being hypocritical. I've stumbled into night clubs at 5am to get that one last drink. But even I am wondering if that's such a good thing and whether I'd really miss that kind of 'luxury', In the past, I think my brain and liver have asked the same question too with a similar outcome.

That fine bastion of corporate responsibility, McDonald's, has been sounded out as an example to follow. The 'McDonald's Solution', as I like to call it, refers to the Bournemouth town centre branch and its approach to littering outside its frontage. If it's in their vicinity, provided it doesn't cross the force field across the road to Roddis House, their workers will clean it up.

But why should Dallas Chicken clean up mess brought along by Joe Benson or Sharon Hedges if they've accumulated polystyrene containers from Hot Diggidy Dog and carelessly dropped them on the street corner?

The answer: because we're all in this together. Until all parties responsible muster the collective spirit of common sense and civic togetherness, we're all going to suffer the wider repercussions that local and national legislation have wrought. Combined with increasing mind-numbing idiocy and abandon of personal responsibility for our actions, the consequences of failing to face up to this and other problems affecting our town will only lead to further decline.

Just put the damn chip packet in the bin, eh? That is, if you can find one.

Air We Go Again!

Take flight fellow Bournemouthians! The third annual More Bus Bournemouth Air Festival sponsored by, affiliated with blah blah, is back.

From today (Thursday 19th August) until Sunday we can expect to see some of our finest birds flying over the town, including perennial crowd pleaser, the deafening Eurofighter Typhoon.

Surprisingly, and against the grain for the miserablists and cynics who inhabit the town, the Air Festival has been an embraced success.

It might clog up our inadequate transport system and residents closer to the seafront might find Toby, Jane, Andrew and Tom parked in front of their driveway, but this has been largely overlooked.

The statistics point to the success and growing stature of the event. The inaugural event back in 2008 was said by Bournemouth Council to have attracted an estimated 750,000 spectators with even more in attendance in 2009.

The weather helped too. Crammed onto the beach or perched on the cliff tops, spectators basked in rare sunshine to enjoy the view.

As for this year, so far, so good with regards to the weather. Although we have been predicted downpours, the sun is trying its best to burn through the clouds.

Riding around town, I've noticed those savvy traders have camped in the Square to peddle their wares. I've spotted an aesthetically pleasing young lady in hot pants promoting my now favourite time of day, Pimm's O’clock. Tally ho!

Bournemouth's Lap Dancing Clubs Under Threat

Bournemouth has undergone many changes in the last decade. Once seen as merely a retirement haven for the blue rinse brigade, the town has seen a transformation. The 'happiest place in the UK' now boasts a vibrant night-time economy, buzzing student community and of course, seven miles of beautiful beaches.

It's also home to a number of lap dancing clubs. For better or worse, Spearmint Rhino, Wiggle and For Your Eyes Only, to name a few, drag in the punters eager to see copious amounts of flesh.

Their position in the town could be under threat. Bournemouth borough's licencing board headed by Steve Wright have asked that local residents have a greater say in where lap dancing clubs are opened.

The current legislation means councils have little power to impose restrictions on the clubs however the board have indicated they are prepared to adopt section 27 of the Policing and Crime Act 2009.

This will afford them powers to control areas such as opening times and exterior appearance plus giving them the opportunity to refuse to grant or renew a licence.

Mr Wright stipulated that the council are only just beginning to define a policy. The measures enacted will mean such establishments will have to apply for a sexual entertainment licence besides a licence to run a club and sell alcohol.

He added, “Local people will be able to make written representations on an application for a lap-dancing club on the grounds that it would be inappropriate, given the character of the area, or if it would be located in an area that is primarily residential."

So what defines a particular establishment as a place of sexual entertainment? I'm assuming that the guidelines mean an abode where such services are paid for.

Even so, there are known places in the Bournemouth area where gentlemen can visit to meet gorgeous women. Apparently they only pay for the canapes and ambience and anything sexual that occurs between consentual adults is just an added bonus and not part of the service. Do they requre a licence for such sexual entertainment?

Likewise, would a group of amorous forty-year olds who nip round a mate's house for a go on her newly fitted pole need to apply for a licence? I suppose it's subject to debate whether you classify anything that might go on as 'entertainment', let alone that of the sexual variety.

Also, what of the boozy lads night in? There's probably more perverse, homo-erotic nudity going on there than you can shake a stick at. Get a bunch of guys together, some supermarket vodka and a Twister mat and you've practically got an orgy on your hands.

So what's the future for lap dancing clubs in the town? If they have to apply for licence renewals every year, what are the chances of them being turned down?

Bournemouth isn't exactly Amsterdam and there aren't ladies with their red lights on enticing gentlemen into their cramped rooms so the exterior perhaps isn't such a problem.

The big deal then must lie in the service they offer. The fact remains though, you don't have to go in, especically if you're likely to be offended. Perhaps they're best kept in the open and not forced underground. The potentially criminal element lurking around the lap-dancing establishments can then be monitored if needs be.

Even the more liberal members of society probably don't want a lap-dancing club opened in the middle of a residential street. It'll be interesting though to see if the council act on existing clubs and impose any restrictions or perhaps go further and shut them down altogether. Does Bournemouth need lap-dancing? With the attractions if offers, especially to weekend visitors, some might say, it does.

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Boscombe?

Nowhere in Bournemouth polarises opinion as much as the coastal suburb of Boscombe. It has struggled to shake off the negative images that have blighted it for so long. Classed as being in the bottom 2% of economically deprived areas in the UK and notorious for drugs and crime, you might be tempted to think that Bournemouth Borough Council's efforts to re-generate the area would be warmly received. The truth is, despite improvements, Boscombe continues to divide residents.

The latest bout of simpering from the Echo has followed recent accolades awarded to Boscombe. Having recently won the 'Pier of the Year' award, the council were given recognition for demonstrating an ability to outline a long-term vision for unlocking the area's potential. This secured them top spot at the Local Government Chronicle Awards. The Boscombe Spa Village Project is a major component in the award winning strategy. It includes introducing new housing stock besides developments along the sea front and the creation of Europe's first artificial surf reef. This vision has sought to revitalise Bournemouth's poorest relation.

In spite of these efforts, Boscombe still has its detractors and in some cases, with good reason. The cosmetic adjustments may have enhanced the area's aesthetic appeal however the jury is still out on whether the changes amount to something more substantial as deep-rooted problems remain. Cheap social housing catering for those on housing benefit, sometimes affected by various addictions, is still prevalent. The streets are still a great attraction to the insalubrious element of society.

Perhaps the council should be given more support. Renovating the beach huts so as to put them out of the price-range of the average resident wasn't the smartest of moves though there does appear to be a method behind such madness. This, coupled with the reef, has aimed to bring about a more bohemian atmosphere and well-heeled 'surf set', willing to both invest and spend disposable income.

There are aspects of the council's plans for Boscombe that are right to be lauded. Problems remain though and Bournemouth residents are starting to become irked by the constant stream of sycophantic, positive reporting from local media outlets. The issues affecting the everyday need to be addressed too in an attempt to heal divisions.